The Nature of Love
"Love" is a complicated word. I've read technical/ social science definitions and pop culture definitions and thing in dictionaries and wiki's and whatever.
basically - everyone has their own definition, but I believe everyone realizes that there are different kinds of love.
for the sake of this blog post- I am going to ignore "love" of chocolate, or a band, or a team or object.
The definition of love that resonates with me:
Love is the condition that exists where the subject of your love's happiness/well being is at least as important as your own. (You need them to be happy for you to be happy)
this is a the flip side of hate: (You need that which you hate to be unhappy/not have well being in order for you to be happy)
the opposite of both love and hate is apathy (you don't care about the other persons happiness)
I like this definition because it covers love one would feel towards a family member, or a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or even a pet. It also has the essential element that separates "love" form "like" other than degree. If someone else's happiness is at least as important as your own- you will sacrifice some of your own happiness for the sake of those who you love. I don't think it is generally accepted that you sacrifice for those you merely like. Mama grizzlies love and protect their cubs - even against bigger grizzlies. My definition also encompasses "love of county". A soldier willing to put their own life on the line is doing so to protect his/her country. To them love of country and duty are tightly bound.
That being said. I don't like the myth of "the one", "your one true love" etc. As if there is only one person you can truly love. As if love can be diluted if shared with more than one person.
I can't wrap my head around it
I have 2 kids, I love them both with all of my heart.
Love shared isn't divided, it is multiplied!
"But, but, people do only love one person at a time, romantically!"
Do they? or is that a social construct? a convenience enshrined in tradition because it is easier that way (inheritance laws are pretty straight forward when it is assumed that children born to a married couple are the offspring of those two people) I know how I feel - but I won't assume that it is a universal. There are plenty of folks in plural loving relationships. I can't see making it work for me; but, that is my issue, not theirs. Who am I to judge?
There is this show on TLC or the Discovery Channel, "Sister Wives". It follows the day to day of a guy who is patriarch of 4 (or 5?) households. I couldn't make that work. Mainly because I can't figure out how I would be able to keep Leanne happy and wife 2 or 3 as well. And because I love Leanne - her happiness is essential for my happiness. (I mention this because we were watching an episode - Leanne joked how it would be nice to have a couple extra wives around to help with the housework and driving kids to activities etc. )I told her:
"I'm cool with that, go find someone and bring her home! If you like her, I'm sure I will too"
of course she wasn't serious, and I am glad - maintaining a happy household under those conditions would be beyond my abilities.
what does it mean when someone says "I love you"?
depends on who says it- and even then, I can't always be sure
basically - everyone has their own definition, but I believe everyone realizes that there are different kinds of love.
for the sake of this blog post- I am going to ignore "love" of chocolate, or a band, or a team or object.
The definition of love that resonates with me:
Love is the condition that exists where the subject of your love's happiness/well being is at least as important as your own. (You need them to be happy for you to be happy)
this is a the flip side of hate: (You need that which you hate to be unhappy/not have well being in order for you to be happy)
the opposite of both love and hate is apathy (you don't care about the other persons happiness)
I like this definition because it covers love one would feel towards a family member, or a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or even a pet. It also has the essential element that separates "love" form "like" other than degree. If someone else's happiness is at least as important as your own- you will sacrifice some of your own happiness for the sake of those who you love. I don't think it is generally accepted that you sacrifice for those you merely like. Mama grizzlies love and protect their cubs - even against bigger grizzlies. My definition also encompasses "love of county". A soldier willing to put their own life on the line is doing so to protect his/her country. To them love of country and duty are tightly bound.
That being said. I don't like the myth of "the one", "your one true love" etc. As if there is only one person you can truly love. As if love can be diluted if shared with more than one person.
I can't wrap my head around it
I have 2 kids, I love them both with all of my heart.
Love shared isn't divided, it is multiplied!
"But, but, people do only love one person at a time, romantically!"
Do they? or is that a social construct? a convenience enshrined in tradition because it is easier that way (inheritance laws are pretty straight forward when it is assumed that children born to a married couple are the offspring of those two people) I know how I feel - but I won't assume that it is a universal. There are plenty of folks in plural loving relationships. I can't see making it work for me; but, that is my issue, not theirs. Who am I to judge?
There is this show on TLC or the Discovery Channel, "Sister Wives". It follows the day to day of a guy who is patriarch of 4 (or 5?) households. I couldn't make that work. Mainly because I can't figure out how I would be able to keep Leanne happy and wife 2 or 3 as well. And because I love Leanne - her happiness is essential for my happiness. (I mention this because we were watching an episode - Leanne joked how it would be nice to have a couple extra wives around to help with the housework and driving kids to activities etc. )I told her:
"I'm cool with that, go find someone and bring her home! If you like her, I'm sure I will too"
of course she wasn't serious, and I am glad - maintaining a happy household under those conditions would be beyond my abilities.
what does it mean when someone says "I love you"?
depends on who says it- and even then, I can't always be sure
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