KitKat

I was contemplating my relationship with KJ recently. (Why? I don't know I've been thinking about a lot of things recently) When did I start being protective of her? Thinking back, it seems to be around the same time that I started being so hard on Pat. It is funny, I don't remember when Pat introduced Kathy to us. I don't remember a time knowing her that she wasn't my friend.

There was some kind of gathering at KJ's house. It must've been summer because we were in the backyard. I'm not sure what year it was but it was 94 or 1995.  Everyone was hanging out and having a good time. I don't remember what the topic of discussion was. We were all going back and forth talking about something. Anyways, Kathy said something and Pat responded in a way that irked me. I don't even remember what he said, but, I remember vividly how he said it. He was arrogant and dismissive. (He bullied her.) He disregarded her opinion in a way that wasn't just disrespectful, it was mean. The look on her face was as if she had just been slapped. She was humiliated.

I was momentarily stunned silent. I thought:

'You son-of-a-bitch! how could you?!'

'I don't even love her, but she'd be better off with me, than with you.'

• I know now that my reaction wasn't entirely rational. It was out of proportion. I was reacting to my feelings more than the situation. I was still very much in pain over my divorce (or separation at this point?). It felt to me that Pat had something that I had lost (a woman that he loved, were they engaged yet?). That thing that I had lost was the most important thing in the world to me at the time, and Pat didn't seem to value what he had. It was like he was laughing at my pain. 

Anyway, about a minute later, Pat said something that I believed was factually inaccurate, I let him know that he was wrong. I used the same tone and almost the same words he had just said to Kathy. I was arrogant and dismissive etc. Pat didn't notice what I was doing - he was too much 'in the moment', defending his argument, to see Kathy's reaction to what I was doing.  I can't wink, but I gave her a little nod. I saw her open her eyes a little wider as she understood that I was verbally stepping on him for her sake. 

From that moment on, our relationship seemed to have changed. (At least that how it appears, looking back now) She was no longer just Pat's "girl", or part of the gang, or even just one of my friends. She had become something like my little sister. (I say something like because one does not flirt with one's little sister). Over the next couple of years, I found myself doing more with Kathy. She was my partner for scuba diving, or distance bike rides. I met her for lunch a couple of times when she was working in the city (and I had an outside sales gig), for a while we worked out together at the gym.  I looked forward to seeing her at group gatherings, I miss having the time to just sit and talk.

• When we were doing our open water certification (Pat& Kathy, Pete & Colleen, & me as 5th wheel) We went to Pearl Lake - just south of the Wisconsin border, near Beloit.  The plan was to camp up there the night before, get a day of diving in, celebrate after- make a weekend out of it. It was May, 1996, and the water was COLD. It felt like half the time Pat acted like he didn't have time for Kathy. I ended up being her partner when diving. I was glad I could help make her comfortable in the dives, I felt she wasn't confident at first.  
• That night was interesting. It got quite chilly and everyone hunkered down in their sleeping bags. Sometime during the night, the girls must've gotten cold. I woke up with Colleen pressed up against my left side and Kathy nuzzled up on the right, with her face buried in my armpit.

I kind of feel bad that for 20+ years I wasn't entirely fair to Pat. He gets verbal jabs from me pretty much anytime I see him. It has become a habit. I don't feel too guilty, I don't make anything up. Everything I give him shit about is 99.9% true. He gives me lots of ammunition.