Steps to Rebuild Myself
I've found myself in a contemplative mood more often recently. Sometimes on the train, or before I go to sleep, or while reading I'll be reminded on 'something' that is hanging out in my skull. I start reflecting on my past. I unpack that thing I call my "self" and take a look at it before folding it up and putting it away.
So, what seems to consume many of my clock-cycles thinking about, is the 2-3 years in the mid-90's that I was an emotional wreck. For reasons that I'll save for a future post, I separated from my wife in June of 1994, and divorced that December. I didn't handle it well. I drank too much. I was depressed. Many of my friends were her friends too, I drifted away from them.
My heart wasn't in to looking for a teaching job so I took a retail gig selling computers etc. at Circuit City. It didn't require me to think too much, and paid the bills, and was close to where I was living.
So here we are - the summer of 1994. I'm separated, newly employed, sad, and rebuilding my life.
Luckily, one of my friends from "the old neighborhood" (Todd) was still around. I'm not sure what I would've done if he didn't provide a diversion. I don't know how many times we went to TGI Fridays and drank Honey Brown (beer), flirted with the bartenders and played the pub trivia game. Or drove out to the Alumni club in Palatine and repeatedly could not get up the nerve to talk to any girls. I remember helping him flip a condo out in Mt. Prospect - swinging a hammer until late at night and going to work the next morning. Before long we were also hanging out with a couple other of Todd's friends; Pete, a fiend of Todd's from his NIU days, and Pat, a friend of Todd's whom he met at a previous job. Todd and Pete and I would bar hop (sometimes with Pat) we started skydiving, got SCUBA certified, generally tried to have fun - even though part of me was dead inside.
The time from around June of 94 to fall of 96 were pretty important to me (in retrospect) - I think it took me that long for my shredded heart to heal. I had to relearn how to form relationships.Some of the details in that timeline are fuzzy to me - I'll try to flesh that out in later posts.
So, what seems to consume many of my clock-cycles thinking about, is the 2-3 years in the mid-90's that I was an emotional wreck. For reasons that I'll save for a future post, I separated from my wife in June of 1994, and divorced that December. I didn't handle it well. I drank too much. I was depressed. Many of my friends were her friends too, I drifted away from them.
My heart wasn't in to looking for a teaching job so I took a retail gig selling computers etc. at Circuit City. It didn't require me to think too much, and paid the bills, and was close to where I was living.
So here we are - the summer of 1994. I'm separated, newly employed, sad, and rebuilding my life.
Luckily, one of my friends from "the old neighborhood" (Todd) was still around. I'm not sure what I would've done if he didn't provide a diversion. I don't know how many times we went to TGI Fridays and drank Honey Brown (beer), flirted with the bartenders and played the pub trivia game. Or drove out to the Alumni club in Palatine and repeatedly could not get up the nerve to talk to any girls. I remember helping him flip a condo out in Mt. Prospect - swinging a hammer until late at night and going to work the next morning. Before long we were also hanging out with a couple other of Todd's friends; Pete, a fiend of Todd's from his NIU days, and Pat, a friend of Todd's whom he met at a previous job. Todd and Pete and I would bar hop (sometimes with Pat) we started skydiving, got SCUBA certified, generally tried to have fun - even though part of me was dead inside.
The time from around June of 94 to fall of 96 were pretty important to me (in retrospect) - I think it took me that long for my shredded heart to heal. I had to relearn how to form relationships.Some of the details in that timeline are fuzzy to me - I'll try to flesh that out in later posts.
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