(Fiction) The Conquests of Jacob Ferguson, Part 2

     My life was getting interesting and weird. Situations were arising that were out of my experience, and not entirely normal. One day, not long after Suzi started and maybe a week or ten days after Beatrix left to visit her parents, Ava and I were chatting before going to sleep.

     "I can't sleep, something is missing." Ava said

     "I think you mean someone, you are accustomed to snuggling with our Pixie, as am I" I replied.

     "That's true, but not what I am talking about." She answered. "It is more like I have an itch I can't scratch. Emotionally, I 'want to', but somehow, 'don't'. It is strange,  I think I need you to have sex with Bea for me to 'get in the mood'. Sort of like 'priming a pump'."

     "Maybe I can try priming the pump for you...what if I did this,...or this..."

...............

     "Nope, not working, it's nice and all, but doesn't light the fire."

     "Honey, I love you. I love sleeping with you, and holding you, and being with you. We don't have to do anything in particular. Don't put so much pressure on yourself."

      "Jake, thanks for that, I love you." She said while stroking my ear. "However; I think I have an idea of what would get me all worked up."

      "Say the word, you know that I would do just about anything for you, or to you, that you wanted."

     "Boff the maid." she said, deadpan.

     "What?"

     "Get out of bed, put on a robe or something, and go seduce her. Then come back to me and we'll screw like weasels"

     "I'm sure I couldn't do that"

     "You don't think we can screw like weasels?"

      "No, that sounds like fun, I won't woo Suzi"

     "You don't think she's attractive? She isn't your type?"

     "She's plenty attractive, and I'm not sure I have a type, other than female, adult, and willing. But the point is moot."

     "What's the problem? I'm confident that if you applied yourself, you could close the deal. Also, I'm pretty sure she likes you. You should see the difference in how she acts when you are home and when you're not. When its just us girls, she's friendly and efficient and business-like. When you are around, she 'lights up', she becomes graceful, like a ballerina. She gazes at you longingly. She sighs whenever you leave the room. I think she's smitten."

      "Hypothetically, If you're reading the situation wrong, then, my making a pass at her would be considered harassment. I like Suzi, I don't want her hurt, or to scare her away. I say hypothetically because I am not going to make a pass at her, it would be cheating."

     "I'm asking you to, how would it be cheating on me?"

     "I'd be cheating on Bea!" (Again, I mentally appended.)

     "Oh, well I guess that's true"

     "Besides, I'd feel like a heel, like I was using her. I think you know that would be pretty shitty, are you that jealous of her? Did you want to hurt her?"

     "Of course not, maybe I guess I was thinking with my gonads, I wouldn't want to use anyone that way, I didn't think it through. It's just that the other day, when I smelled her perfume on you, and the tears, I knew you were consoling her but... Am I that territorial? I know it isn't rational, maybe, 'reclaiming' you is part of what turns me on, but I can't 'reclaim' what I already have."

     "Let's try an experiment. Close your eyes and imagine I did what you suggested. I left this room and found her. She's wearing a sexy little maid outfit; a super-short skirt, revealing her garters and stockings. Her cute, pert, little behind is swaying back and forth as she's flitting around the room swishing shelves and whatnot with a feather-duster. I approach her and whisper...." I went on to describe in detail how I imagined a hypothetical encounter would occur: what I would do, how she would react, what she would do, how it felt, how I reacted, et cetera. After a few minutes of this I said "...and then I came back to you, and found you on the bed waiting for me, welcoming me, wanting me...What happens next, Ava?"

     She practically attacked me.

..............

     "That was fun, I don't think mustelids have it as good!" I said as I was catching my breath.

      "I don't know why the idea of you being with someone else gets my naughty bits all tingly, but it sure is effective!"
      "I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, I'm just glad that I don't have to actually go and find someone."
       "I'd be okay with that, as long as you tell me about it after, I'll bet Bea would be on board too, we could scout for you. It wouldn't be cheating if we're in the know"
       "Look, you and Trixie are the third and fourth women I've ever 'gone all the way' with. I'm not  interested in developing the skills of a pick-up artist, and I'm not particularly interested in casual sex."
       "I suppose I knew that, you're just not that kind of guy, it's part of what attracted me to you in the first place." (I didn't interrupt her, but the guilt I felt over her statement was like a punch in the gut.) "Still, if Trixie or I brought home a friend for us to have fun with, would you play along? would that turn you on?"
      "Another guy? Nope! In the first place, I'm greedy, and don't like the idea sharing either of you. In addition, I feel like I'm strictly hetero, I have no interest in being with a man."
      "Duly noted, but that isn't what I had in mind, I was thinking along the lines of bringing home another girl."
      "In theory, I would have no objections. I've never had sex with someone I wasn't in love with, but as long as everyone knows the score, I guess I'd be okay with it. Really though I have a 'flower for each hand' what more could I ask for than you and Trixie?"
      "I'm just fantasizing, she wouldn't really be for you anyway, at least not primarily. She'd be foreplay for us. If I found someone that liked that sort of thing, we wouldn't be using her."
      "Like I said, I don't have any objections,if she's female, adult, and consents knowing what the score is...and Trixie needs to be on board, but your just fantasizing, right?"
      "Yea"
      "Good."
     "Speaking of fantasies and turning me on....If you spend the next few minutes telling me another story, I bet we'll both be ready to go again."

      "You're putting me on the spot, I'm not particularly good at that, I don't know if I can make up another good story on such short notice, I'm not Scheherazade.

     "So, don't make one up. Tell me about one of your last conquests, make it juicy! "

I paused for a moment.

     "I generally don't like to 'kiss and tell', but I suppose it won't hurt to tell you about Kay. I lost track of her eight or so years ago, but let's keep this pillow talk between us anyway, okay? Suzi sort of reminds me of her, so I feel a little guilty gossiping. Anyway here's the story:

       Kay and I met one summer when I was an undergrad and backpacking across Europe. Was it Amsterdam? or was it Brussels? I guess it doesn't really matter,  I was planning my day while in the 'breakfast room' of the hostel, looking at a tourist map of the old town when she startled me. I felt a hand on my shoulder as she leaned in from behind me and pointed to a spot on the map."

      "That's the art museum we're going to, they have a special Van Gogh exhibit that we shouldn't miss." she declared.

      "Indeed, did you want to go there now or after lunch? I bet on that plaza has stands with mussels or fries or waffles or something. I'm Jacob by the way, call me Jake."

      "I'm Kayoko, call me Kay."

      "Enchanté, Kay, shall we go on our date?"

      "Wait a minute!" Ava interrupted my story. "Are you trying to tell me that you started dating her then and there? She just picked you up?! That worked?"

      "Sure, I was twenty years old and someone pretty and who smelled nice wanted to go out with me, why would I say 'no' to going out to lunch and to a museum? I was going to do that anyway. I wasn't concerned for my safety, we were going somewhere public. I never learned how to 'pick up' girls, but that didn't mean I couldn't be 'picked -up'. Like I said before, it isn't like I have a 'type'."

      "Okay, whatever, so get to the juicy part, did the date end with you two naked? did you make it to the museum? or did you make it in the museum? did you get caught?....ooh sex in public, that's delicious..."

      "No, we didn't make love until about a week later, there was no privacy at the hostel, I was too shy."

      "Then, skip ahead to the good part...:"

      "Well I can't very well do that without explaining who she was and how we got there." Ava playfully smacked my shoulder.

       "We started travelling together, after Brussels; Paris, then we we started working our way East. About a week after we started dating, we were in Berlin, ready to go to our next destination. We decided to book and overnight train north and splurge on a compartment. The up-charge when using our railpasses was actually cheaper than a moderate hotel room. We got settled into the compartment and as soon as the conductor checked our tickets, we pulled the shades and started kissing. Within moments our clothes were off"..."the train swayed a little, we synchronized to the motion and and the rhythmic click-clack of the wheels on the track .... "

I went on to describe in detail our session in the train compartment...('pump primed')

............................

      Somewhat later, Ava and I were cuddling, awash in endorphins, and chatting.

      "Is there something wrong with me?" Ava asked.

      "What are you even talking about? You're wonderful!"

      "I mean is it weird that I have weird 'needs'?"

      "I think that you are lucky, and that I am lucky to have you."

      "I don't get it, it is so frustrating to me. How is it lucky?"

      "So you have a fetish; so what?  You know what turns you on. Could you imagine how frustrated you'd be if we didn't figure out what it was that did?  Imagine walking around with a vague sense of something missing from your life. You'd feel  unfulfilled, unsatisfied. Even worse: what if you knew, but couldn't get whatever that was? The longing would be painful."

       "I never thought of it that way. It wasn't that long ago I was one of those people."

       "I have a fetish too, do you know what turns me on?"
       "What?"
       "Turning you on! It's fun!"

       ....

        "Do you miss her?" she asked.

       "Who? Kay?"

       "Yea, from the story you told me she sounds like she was someone special, or were you embellishing?"

        "Actually, I...., yes, I miss her. I'm not sure what went wrong, maybe she realized that a long distance relationship would be too hard, maybe she found someone else, I regret not having had a proper goodbye."

        "You were in love with her, weren't you?"
        "Yes, I thought she loved me too."
        "Why haven't you tried to find her on Facebook or whatever? Everyone is online now."

       "I respect her, I have to respect her reasons for ending our relationship, even if I don't know what they were. I can't live in the past, and I don't want to be creepy; besides, I have my hands full with you and Trixie. I'm very happy with how things are now, why rock the boat?"

The next day, Suzi was getting settled in, and wanted to get acquainted with the other residents of the house. I was relieved that Suzi seemed to 'calm down', whatever spell she was under seemed to have been broken. She was acting much more like how I remembered her in Japan. (Much more like herself?) Beatrix would return in a few days from her visit with her folks, and Ava was out running errands.  So, Suzi, Claire, and I were chatting in the living room, over tea.

“How long have you been living here, Miss Clarissa?” Suzi asked.

“Please, just 'Claire', I’ve lived here about a month, or a dozen or so years, depending on what you’re asking." she replied.

“I do not think I understand” Suzi responded.

“Clarissa and I grew up together, she lived next door.” I explained.

“Yea, but I think I spent as much time here with you and Gram, as I did at home.” Claire added.

“So you two are childhood friends? That’s nice.” Suzi then asked. “And you moved in last month?”

“The way you say ‘childhood friends’ sounds like something from an anime, but she didn’t come to wake me every morning before school, or make me bento, or run for the bus with toast in her mouth” I said.

“But we did go to school together until eighth grade.” Claire added. “Up until they downsized the plant, and Daddy got transferred.” Claire then leaned over and cupped her hand in front of Suzi's ear. “We played together almost every day; we played ‘doctor’ sometimes.  My first kiss was from him.” She whispered.

“First kiss!?” Suzi exclaimed, while turning slightly pink.

Claire expounded theatrically. “Oh yes, Jakey stole my heart, and then fate separated us. Later, after trials and tribulations, my family moved back into town. I tried to reunite with him, only to find him in the arms of another…” 

“Oh, stop being so dramatic. You moved away, you moved back a few years later. It’s not like we didn’t keep in touch. The way you tell it, I left you for another woman. We never even dated.” I interrupted.

Claire ignored me. “Do you want to hear about the kiss?” she asked.

“Yes!”  Suzi said, nodding enthusiastically.

Clarissa got a faraway look in her eyes and told this story:

“Imagine two young people playing a game; it is a variation of ‘tag’, one boy and one girl.

 ‘If I catch you, I get to kiss you’. He says.

The boy is ‘it’. They are running around and laughing. She is not running as fast as she can, but she makes sure to stay just out of reach. She doesn't seem to want to be caught, but likes being chased. The boy isn't running as fast as he can either, he doesn't seem to want the chase to end. This goes on for a while. Sometimes the girl will peek out while hiding behind a tree, or call to him to get his attention. Sometimes the boy nearly catches her, his fingertips barely brushing her sleeve.

Suddenly the girl stops, she turns around, and opens her arms.

He tries not to crash into her, but it’s too late!  He can't stop, they collide. <glomp> He's worried that she'll be hurt. While they are tangled up, he manages to turn so that he takes the impact of the ground on his back. Some of the air is knocked out of him,

<oof!> He winces.

He opens his eyes and looks up at her. She's wearing a mischievous smile; her eyes are sparkling. She is beautiful. Sunlight is streaming in between the strands of her long hair that forms a veil around their faces.

‘I win!’ she declares, as she leans down to take her prize, a kiss.”

…

“TEEHEE!” They squee’d and tittered like schoolgirls.

“That’s not how I remember it.” I declared. “I seem to recall you jumping out from behind a tree and tackling me, you then forced that kiss on me. I didn’t ‘give you’ your first kiss, you stole it!”

          Claire stuck her tongue out at me. “Your version lacks romance. but isn't any less true” She said as we all had a good laugh.

 “I’m going to like working here.” Suzi declared. “It is so nice that you’ve been able to come and stay someplace familiar to you from your childhood. What made you decide to move here?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you someday, but not today, it would spoil the mood” Claire answered.

“I apologize, I asked an awkward question” Suzi said while bowing her head.

               “Don’t worry; you had no way of knowing.” Claire replied.

               “Someday, I’ll tell you about the time he and I spent at a hotel in Japan. It is also a long story, but a happy one” Suzi offered, trying to lighten the mood.

               “You’re trying to make it sound salacious, it wasn’t” I stated.

               “Do not be shy now, when you were sold bold then, with your propositions of bathing and sleeping together!” Suzi retorted.

               “Are you trying to make her misunderstand? ” I asked.

               Claire giggled at my discomfort, and then noticed her teacup was empty. “All this talking is thirsty work, we’re out of tea.”

                Suzi gathered the teapot and cups. “I will go make a fresh pot.” She offered as she left for the kitchen.

               Claire waited a moment, so that Suzi wouldn't hear, she then asked. “You know, Jake, she’s trying to figure out our relationship, if I am competition or not. Have you gotten under her skirt yet?"

"Claire, what makes you think that there's something like that going on? Not that I'm one to 'kiss and tell' anyway." I answered.

"Jakey, I call 'bullshit'." she said, "There was a time you told me of all your conquests. I remember when we would chat on the phone about whoever your girl of the moment was, back when we were in high school. And, I noticed you're evading the question I asked."
"Conquests? I was a virgin that whole time, I don't think I implied otherwise. I didn't go past second base until I was a senior, well maybe third depending you your definitions, and when I finally did, I didn't share those details."
"You provided plenty though, enough for the frustrated nubile girl I was then, to get through lonely nights."

I hesitantly asked "You mean, after we spoke, you would..."

"As often as not, during!" she interjected. "Raging hormones and all that; I did that all the time. Thank you by the way, when I moved away, I actually was lonely. Hearing your voice was nice, I looked forward to our chats, and not just for the phone sex. It's ironic that when I moved back to town, we saw each other more often, but spoke less. Miss 'Pom-Poms' really was leading you around by the... nose back then"

         "Sorry about that, she monopolized much of my time, and somehow it felt wrong to tell you about being intimate with her, it was different…" I replied. "Stop fishing, I'm not going to give you any more ‘material’, and we've gotten off the subject, what were we talking about?" I asked.

"We were discussing your relationship with your cute little maid. She asked more than once why I am here.” She replied.

        “You know, regardless of if I'm running a boarding house or not, you don’t need a reason to be here or to stay, and you don’t need to tell me or anyone else if you have one, you are welcomed here. Growing up this was your second home” I continued. “Gram would be upset if it was any other way.”

        “It is because of you.” she said.

         “…What?”

         “It's not your fault that my relationship with Rob is in the toilet, but there is a reason I am here, and not someplace else. Think back to that time you came to visit Rob and I, and we gave him such a hard time, it was while ago.”

I tried to recall the events of that evening, I had stopped by their place on the way home from work. Rob and I were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer and talking about whatever guys talked about. Claire was in the other room chatting with someone on the phone, just out of earshot.
 "...I mean I get it, Ava's friend needs our help, I'm not so selfish that there's even a question about choosing a vacation over that. But, that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed, I'm more than a little bummed about cancelling the road trip. I was looking forward to focusing on some quality 'alone time', it isn't like when Ava and I were first dating. I was hoping the change in scenery would help.” I was complaining, like guys do. “Back then she and I seemed to… all the time. Now..."

 Rob interrupted, "you are lucky! She's insatiable," He indicated Claire with his chin. "I can't get a decent night's sleep..."

"I call 'bullshit'! You are either making stuff up, or laughing at my pain…" I interjected.
"Ha ha ha! It is a tough job, but someone has to do it! However, I shit you not..."

Rob and I have been friends for only a short while, but we built a rapport rather quickly. We would often make fun of each other in a good-natured way, trading insults like siblings would.  Certainly, he was joking now, I thought, or at least exaggerating. I decided to ‘teach him a lesson’. The word 'insatiable' didn’t mean what he thought it did, or at the very least the way he said it was degrading to Claire.

Claire was just ending her call on the phone, I was sure she would catch on to my little joke right away, so I motioned her over with a wave of my hand.  I got up, and, as I tenderly held one of her hands in both of mine, gazed into her eyes and winked. Then I said in theatrically sentimental voice:

"I'm sorry, it was very brave of the two of  you to ask for my help, this must've been difficult for both of you; however, I must refuse. I will not cheat on Ava; not even to help my dearest friends. Please understand, it isn't you, it's me. Of course, I am touched, but there are lines I just won't cross..."

"WAIT, WHAT!? What are you talking about?" They interrupted in unison.

 "Hmm, hold on", I continued, ignoring the interruption, "He said that you were insatiable, which means you're incapable of being satisfied, as if he and you needed my help. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions. What’s lacking? What is it you want me to do? What can I do, without cheating on Ava?"

I could tell that Rob was about to interject, but before he could:

"What do you mean?" Claire asked. She tilted her head as if intrigued, or confused. Did she understand that I was just trying to tease Rob? Was she playing along? Was she irritated with him? After all, being referred to as 'insatiable' isn't necessarily flattering.

I replied, "Lots of people have particular tastes, kinks, or fetishes; they may have a thing for pain or domination, they might like to be tied up or tickled, watch, or like to be watched. People have predilections for food, feet, fur, or Ferris wheels, or just about anything else you can imagine. Just name it, it doesn’t matter what it is, Clarissa, for you, I’ll do anything you need…as long as I can do it for you without being unfaithful. If for some reason you want my dirty socks, or to pat my balding head, or you especially liked being served while I was dressed as a butler or something like that… That would be safe and I could oblige you… "

She tapped her chin with her index finger, "Hmmm, no, nothing like that..."

Rob was clenching and unclenching his fists (and his jaw), he was visibly upset, and a vein was popping out on his forehead. We were at the time where we needed to let him off the hook; I had given him enough grief.  I was about to tell him that we were both just teasing him, when Claire exclaimed while raising her finger in the air, as if she had a 'Eureka!' moment:

"The pictures! I’ll get my camera, let me show you…"

"Eh?" I was my turn to tilt my head in confusion. She gabbed my elbow and started pulling me to the next room. My jaw nearly hit the floor when she said: "If you could let me know what you think of the pictures, it would go a long way towards scratching a certain itch I have... "

I cracked up. It was a good belly laugh; it took me a moment to regain my composure. As I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye, I said: “Oh Clarissa, I love you. I haven’t laughed like that in ages. Did you see the look on Rob’s face? Priceless! Rob, I’m sorry, we’re just yanking your chain.” I then caught a glimpse of my wristwatch “Crap, sorry, I promised to pick up some stuff on the way home, and now I’m late. I’ve got to go.” I quickly gave Claire a peck on her temple and Rob a slap on his back as I waved and headed to the door.

…….

“I remember , that was quite a while before you came and started sleeping on the living room couch. Neither Ava nor I asked for details, but it was obvious that you and Rob had had a falling out. We figured you’d tell us when you were ready.” I said.

            “A little while after that, I let you know that I wasn’t going to go back to Rob. I asked for a lease and to live in the house long term. That last night that you saw Rob and I together, you had no way of knowing that we had an argument the evening before. That Rob was so different when we were alone, and how much he seemed to have changed since we'd started dating” Claire responded, she then gave me the details of their argument:

Claire: I don’t get it, how can you be so cold, so analytical about this?

Rob: I’m just saying that if we avoid the three or four days before and after you would be ovulating, the chances of a pregnancy are much slimmer.

Claire: I’m on the pill! The day of the month shouldn’t matter, I don't ovulate!.

Rob: The pill isn’t 100% effective.

Claire: So, between your ‘no-go’ window and when I have my ‘monthly visitor’ there’s only a few days when you’re okay with us making love?!

Rob: I guess so.

Claire: You know there are other things we can do, with zero chance of pregnancy.

Rob: I refuse, that’s sodomy, that’s disgusting.

Claire: I didn’t mean that… although if you wanted to…what I had in mind is more like French kissing, we already do that.

Rob: Where?

Claire: You know, her, down there. I would take care of you too.

Rob: Unsanitary and immoral, I refuse.

Claire: You seemed to like it that one time while you were driving, and I assure you, I keep myself quite clean. But, if you’re not into it, it wouldn’t be any fun anyway. You’re not going to budge on the calendar?

Rob: Can’t risk it.

Claire: You could wear protection, there are different kinds, might be fun?

Rob: That’s prohibited by the Church.

Claire: By the Church?! Ever since you started going to that new place, you’ve been a fuddy-duddy! Why do they think they can dictate what we do in the privacy of our bedroom? We’re both consenting adults.

Rob: If you would start coming to services with me, maybe you’d understand.

Claire: What do they say about premarital sex?

Rob: Technically that’s not 'ok' either but…

Claire: So, you’re just cherry picking your moral objections to suit your personal preferences?

Rob: You’re blowing this out of proportion, once we’re married, then when we have sex won’t matter anymore.

Claire: Married?! Who says we’re getting married? Or did you just deliver the worst proposal in the history of humankind? Because, I am certainly not going to marry someone just because they don’t want to wear a raincoat!

Rob: Why are we fighting about this? Why can’t you just be normal?

Claire: What?! How am I abnormal?

Rob: That’s not what I meant, I don’t want to worry about you getting pregnant now because a baby before we’re married, or worse an abortion…just… I can’t, I don’t even want to think about that. When, sorry, if we get married; I want a normal, regular life, and to raise normal, regular, kids, with a wife that doesn’t need to do things that are… perverse. I don’t want the cameras, and the costumes, and the other things. Can’t we just be 'regular' and happy?

Claire: I thought you liked the bunny outfit? And taking the naughty pictures?

Rob: It was fun but, what if someone found out? What if years from now someone saw those photos? My reputation would be ruined.

Claire: The more you talk about what it is you want, the less it sounds like what you want is me.

“You had no way of knowing but, ribbing him about sex and kinks and whatnot was throwing gasoline on a fire. The argument the night before cemented what he and I didn’t want. Your parting words that night cemented what I did want. Do you remember what you said?” she asked.

“That I was running late, and still had to stop at the store?” I answered, somewhat confused.

“Just before that, idiot” she retorted.

“…” I paused.

“You told me that you loved me, for the first time ever, you told me that you loved me. You told me that after offering to help me regardless of my kinks or quirks.” She said. “Even if your offer was just to get Rob’s goat, you weren't lying. You let me know that you accepted all of me. Over the next few months as Rob and I drifted apart, I remembered what I wanted, what I’ve wanted ever since I tackled you and stole that first kiss. I started getting my affairs in order. I left Rob, I wandered around for a while and eventually got up the nerve to come here. Now here I am, in your little love nest”

“I offered to help you if I could without being unfaithful, what exactly do you want? ..Why did you drop this in my lap now? You’re joking, right?  I can’t even process..."
"I'm not joking, I moved in to be with you."
"I really never told you before that night?  We've been friends forever and, we've never even gone on a date.
"And forever I've been hoping for us to be 'friends with benefits', or more."

I was literally stunned speechless. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind all at once:
'What is going on? first Suzi and now Claire?! this stuff just doesn't happen in real life. I don't know how to deal with this. Will this end my friendship with Claire? Friends can't be lovers and still be friends, can they? That was the whole reason I never asked Claire out. I want to see those pictures! something about a bunny costume?!... this will end my relationship with Ava and Trixie...they will be furious, and sad...I love them I can't hurt them like this...'
  I was still making my fish out of water gasping for breath impression when Suzi came back with a fresh pot of tea.

“I’m sorry sweetie. We’ll need another minute; could you get us some cookies or something?” Claire bought us some time.

Once Suzi was back in the kitchen, I asked, “What did you mean, Love nest?”

“You’ve got a full house, you and Ava, ‘Maid-san’ wants you, I want you, and let’s not forget Beatrix; she’s as cuddly as a kitten, isn’t she?”

“Yes, yes she is…wait a minute, what are you implying?” I demanded.

“I’m not implying anything, I’m stating facts. This is an old house; the walls are thin, and you'all are not quiet. I did not decide to sign the lease until I figured out that Ava and Trixie were taking turns with you, which meant that maybe I had a chance too. That's why I'm telling you this now , I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to ask you. I wasn’t counting on competition from the maid, though” She retorted. “You surprised me, how did you manage it?”

“I didn’t, I was ambushed. Ava threw Trixie on me, then we discovered that apparently, me being with another woman turns Ava on.” I replied. 

“Ava likes to watch? That’s great! She and I can watch together, what fun!” Claire interjected.

“She doesn’t watch, she just  ‘knows’ and it’s like flipping a switch, she doesn’t even need to be home.” I added.

“Oh poo” Claire pouted. Then she added, “Actually, I was asking how you managed to get the maid so hot and bothered for you."
"That's just it, I didn't do anything. it's weird. I met her years ago at a backwater little inn in Japan, and haven't been in contact since. Then last week I run into her at Crenshaw's place and before I know it she's here. What are the odds that she turns up in this Podunk town anyway?"
"Did you have a tryst, in Japan?"
"I flirted, I had a crush, but nothing happened. I didn't want to start a long-distance relationship. I literally don't understand what is going on. I feel like I am in way over my head."
"Well, the universe works in mysterious ways. Since we are here let's be one big happy...I don't know what. I would never ask you to be unfaithful, but Bea and Ava are already sharing you. 'In for a penny, in for a pound', is how the saying goes. Let's convince them to share with Maid-san and me too."
"Do you even realize what you're saying? It would be telling them that they are inadequate, that I want more than they are giving me. How do I even ask that? They'll be hurt. If I do, I can't 'un-ring that bell'. Our relationship will never be the same."

"You are going to be taking a risk. You are right though, your relationship won't be the same. Maybe it'll be better? Maybe it'll be a turn on for them? I know it is for me. I think we all want the same things: your love, to share you, and to love you."
"Suzi has some more specific wants."
"Oh, I know, thin walls remember?" She said as she got out her smartphone. “Apparently, you are attracting girls with all kinds of interesting particularities, your Suzi is a 'sub', and a bit of an 'M'.” she played a scratchy audio file:

<SMACK!> “AAAII! YES! Master, please, more, again!” <SLAP!>

“There’s a bunch more, but you get the idea. I need to invest in better A/V equipment, the MIC on my phone sucks. I wonder if she’s using a paddle, or maybe a riding crop? I digress; I think her heart is set on you, and she already knows about you and Ava. What do you think that means about what she wants? She's ok not being your 'one and only', so am I"
"But she deserves more, more than I can give, so do you. Claire, It's not too late, you and I, we haven't done anything yet, but I don't know how I got into this mess with Suzi. Somehow I am responsible. Suzi's sister will be around for some job in Springdale soon, Suzi can stay with her and get over her fixation on me."
"I’ll bet that when Suzi's sister gets here, she moves to Centerville, that Suzi convinces her sister to move close by, instead of leaving this house. How about if I win the bet, you ask Ava and/or Trixie to let me film your escapades? And if you win, I’ll have to do the asking.”
“Stop kidding around.” I said. “ Any way I look at it someone gets hurt, and it’s my fault.” I had hoped I could put off dealing with my conundrum for a few days, until I could figure out a solution. Or find the courage to get everyone to put their cards on the table and deal with the consequences.